Best Odds
by IDRC
Summary: What are the odds my boyfriend from high school and a little bit of college would turn out to be my boss five years later? And what are the odds he'd still have feelings for me! Sequel to best bet
1. Chapter 1

Ringing fills my ears and a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist. "Time to wake up, sunshine." They tell me. A smile spreads across my face and I stretch before opening my eyes. A face smiles back at me with bright brown eyes and freckled cheeks. "Someone's got a big day ahead of them."

I groan, "I just want… like… twenty more minutes." I turn over and cover my head with the blanket. Rayne snatches the covers from the bed, leaving me completely naked. I glare at the body snickering at my feet. "Fuck me." I groan again.

"Didn't last night tire you out? Jesus, you never rest. Anyway, you have to get ready! I'll make some coffee while you take a shower." He walks out of the room but not before flicking on the light. I slap a pillow over my face and pretend to weep.

I hadn't had a job for the past month or so, so I was really used to sleeping in. I drag myself from bed and to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and brush my teeth while I wait for the water to heat. When I'm done with my shower I get dressed and meet Rayne in the kitchen for my morning kiss and bagel.

"What are you doing today?" I ask Rayne since this is his day off. I sit at the dining table and nibble on my bagel, focusing more on my coffee.

"Probably not much. I'm gonna hit the shops, grocery shopping, um get my mom's birthday present." I nod. "And wait for my beautiful boyfriend to get home from his first day of work so we can cuddle and finish The Notebook."

I groan, "Rayne, that movie sucks!"

"Tweek," He mocks me. "No, it doesn't."

I give him a sympathetic look and nod, "Yes, it fucking does and I'm not watching any more of that shit." I finish the last bite of my bagel. "Why do you always wanna watch sappy shit?"

"Why do you always want to watch movies with explosions and _shit_?" He counters. And this is why I contemplate breaking up with you on the regular, Rayne. I have severe reason to believe you are a faggot. I snort at my thoughts and Rayne raises an eyebrow.

I shake my head, "Forget it. I gotta get going." I grab my briefcase and head to the door.

"Tweek!" Rayne calls, jogging after me. I turn to him and he pecks me on the lips, smiles, and waves. "I hope your first day is awesome."

I roll my eyes, "Yeah, yeah," I head out to the car. It's sprinkling so I hurry, holding my case above my head, so my hair doesn't get wet.

The drive is uneventful and soon I'm pulling into the parking lot of my new work place. Honestly, I'd be lying if I said I weren't a little bit excited. My other job was great… until it wasn't. Now, I'm just looking for something new and fresh. I've been in this hole lately and I'm ready to be out of it. I feel like this job is how I'm gonna do that.

I run inside the building and take the elevator to the very top floor. The blonde and quite pretty receptionist told me where to go once I got there. The doors open and I take in my surroundings. It's just an office. It has desks and people walking around, on the phone, filing papers. I take a right down a hall and stop at the last door. I read the gold plaque next to the big dark wood door. It says, '_MFCEO_'. Instantly my brows furrow because what the fuck is a MFCEO? I take a hard swallow, grab the doorknob and push the thing open.

The office is amazing. Glass windows line the whole right wall with nice thick maroon curtains hanging, parted slightly letting just a meager amount of light through. The walls are dark beige and the floor is hard wood unlike the rest of the floor, or maybe the building. There's a nice rug matching the windows. The left wall has a huge bookshelf full of books. It's impossible that whoever is sitting in that chair read all of those. And they're a total faggot for having them.

I sit in one of the two large arm chairs in front of the undoubtedly grand mahogany desk. The man-or woman- behind the desk chair is turned around so I can't see them. So I bite the inside of my cheek awkwardly waiting. Should I say something?

"What are the odds?" A voice comes and my eyes blink. That voice… No… It can't be. That voice. That deep nasally voice. There's no way. The chair whips around and a very grown Craig sits in front of me, smirking. Oh, my god. Oh. My. _God_! He looks so sexy. His hair is slicked back and his eyebrows are so fierce. I'm hurting. The way his lips are curved in a half smile. Dear, Christ… I'd cross myself if he weren't watching me. "What are the odds that my boyfriend from senior year and well into college would start working at my company?"

I don't speak. I just gap at him like a suffocating fish. Can fish suffocate? Not the point. No, that's not the point. His eyes pierce my soul and my very being. He glances out the ajar window curtains and nods, "Yes, the odds are very slim, yet," his blue orbs under his sharp, compelling brows dart back to my muddy green ones, "here you are." He finishes.

To be honest, I've never been more attracted to Craig in my life. Why did I ever break up with him? Oh, lord, it's getting hot in this office. Once again I don't speak. I can't. I forgot how and if I hadn't what the fuck would I say? "You know, you look great on paper." He tells me shuffling through some files on his desk. "Oh." He pauses. "_You_ look great too." He adds. I move my lips and dust comes out. "It's unfortunate what happened at your last company… but you're welcomed here. And I'm not just taking you because we have history. Trust me." He reads through the papers in his hands. Wait, does that mean he's mad at me or something? He sets them down and raises his beautifully shaped eyebrows at me.

He's waiting for me to say something, I realize. So I lick my dry and suddenly chapped lips. "I missed you." I blurt out. Fuck.

His eyes widen, "Really?" He smirks, suppressing a chuckle. I nod slowly. He lets it out and says, "That's funny."

"It is?" I say.

He shakes his head, leaning back in his chair, "It just seems like if you missed me this wouldn't be our first meet in…" He taps his chin. "How long has it been, Tweek?" This motherfucker knows how long it's been.

"Five years." I say through gritted teeth. Still the same asshole he's always been.

He nods, "Right…" I don't say anything so he sighs, "How have things been?" His tone softens, surprising me slightly.

I sit up, "Um… Things have been good lately." That's almost true. Things were really bad and then they got really really good but now I feel like they're slowly getting bad again but like I said before that's why I'm here. Start fresh. Why would I tell my ex that though?

He smiles, "Great. How's your mother? I missed her."

I tense and my head starts to ache. "Um, my-my mom actually p-passed." I struggle. Fuck. I lick my lips again, "She-She d-died last- um- year from the c-cancer… so…" I don't mean to stutter and get all worked up. I just can't help it. I get like this whenever I have to talk about it. It's probably from suppressing feelings but I don't care. And if that's how I get just talking about her imagine how bad it was when it happened. I don't want to think about it.

Craig stares at the floor. "I'm so sorry." His eyes glisten and his looks at the ceiling. After a few moments of silence. He collects himself and continues. "It is really good seeing you, Tweek. I did miss you too." He admits. My cheeks blush and he smiles. "You look way different."

I scoff, "You're really one to talk, Mr. CEO-" I pause. "Wait, what's the MFCEO on the door?"

He laughs, "Really?" He asks. "C'mon, Tweek! I'm the _MOTHERFUCKING_ chief executive officer in this bitch! I basically do whatever I want." He tells me with a smile that brings me back to college, no, high school… He's still the same kid who took my virginity. The same kid I rode… Oh, my god. I flush. "You took out all your piercings even your tongue!" He says, shaking his head. "No makeup." He points out. "And you cut your hair… Looks nice actually. Even though you look normal-er you still look…" He hesitates. "Beautiful."

I laugh, "Yeah, well, fuck you." I flick him off, referring to his whole, _now_ I look normal thing. "And you… Jesus, been working out?" He grins and laughs, looking down with almost a bashful expression. Oh, how cute! "You're hair makes your chin line stand out way more and Jesus Christ don't get me started on your eyebrows."

He chuckles in a sexy way. I don't mean that he's sexy when he chuckles. He purposely looked sexy with that chuckle. Don't ask. I could just tell. He looks at me again. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were flirting with me." He leans forward, resting his arms on the desk, holding his hands together.

My eyes widen and then go back to normal and I recline my seat. "Clearly you don't know any better because I can't be flirting with you, Craig. I have a boyfriend." I state. Point-blank. This was fun. Now, it's over.

Craig sits back up, his eyes suddenly darkening, yet his smirk remains. It's actually kinda creepy. "Really?" I nod. I don't say anything because I'm slightly scared. "Interesting." He says, contemplating this. "Let me take you out for dinner tonight." He suggests.

I make an apprehensive face at him, "Did you hear a word I just said?"

He rolls his eyes, "I asked to take you to dinner, Tweek not to suck my dick. I just wanna catch up. It's been a while since I saw you and I think we should regain our friendship. But it's all up to you. If you say no then we won't talk and I'll probably not even see you anymore. Unless you get promoted to COO but that might take some time even with your record."

I shake my head at myself and shrug, "Sure, Craig, let's go to dinner."


	2. Chapter 2

Needless to say, the day dragged on forever. I sat at my desk and I did paper work. I let all the older employees come over, introduce themselves, and then try to give me all the work they decided they didn't want to do. So the first time I took it, the second time the girl asked me to do it for her and I told her I just watched the manager put it on her desk and tell her to finish it before four so if I were her I'd start now because it's almost three. And then the third time a guy came up and I told him to shove it up his ass.

I can't get fired, man… I really need to get a filter for my mouth.

So now here I am in the elevator with Craig. He keeps this stupid look on his face and I have half a mind to knee him in the crotch but he is my boss now and he is not my boyfriend anymore…

I can't get fired, man

We make it to the lobby and the doors open. We step off and Craig waves to the secretary, "Bye, Jessica, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Leaving so soon?" She asks with a curious expression. "You never leave work early. What? Got a hot date?"

Craig smirks, "You could say that." Or you could not say that. Since this isn't a date. It's dinner. I don't say anything though because she probably doesn't think he could be talking about with me. I'm not sure if Craig is out at work and I won't be the reason he suddenly is. Who knows what would happen if people found out someone in his position of power is gay. I mean, yeah it _isn't_ that big of a deal. It actually shouldn't be a deal at all.

"Well, damn, it's about time!" She grins. "I was really starting to think you were gay." Oh, irony, I love you so.

"Okay, bye, Jessica!" Craig picks up his pace and I follow with an amused smile.

"Seriously," She continues. "Someone like you should _not _be single, ! Unless you're gonna get with me, of course."

Craig groans, "We talked about this Jessica."

Jessica nods, "I know." She sighs, "Doesn't make it suck less. Have a nice day, Mr. Tucker and…"

"Tweek." I answer walking out of the building behind Craig. He sighs, relieved. I just laugh. "'_It's about time'_?" He shrugs. "When's the last time you dated someone." He shrugs again.

"Did you drive here? We can take my car and come back for yours when we're done." He changes the subject but I ignore him.

"I have a hard time believing that you've been single for a while. You're so-… smart… and- and handsome." Oh shit, I almost said sexy. I'm just so used to not caring what I say around him.

He eyes me, with a smirk and says, "I work a lot. How do you think I became MFCEO? I couldn't have distractions. Even if I had a relationship I don't think it would have worked out."

"So, when was the last relationship you were in? Even if it was only a few weeks.. Or a few days."

He shrugs, pulling his keys out and clicking the unlock button on them. When my eyes follow his my jaw drops. "You drive a _Bentley_?"

His smirk grows, "I figure I'll have this job for a while, it was in my budget, my favorite colors blue. It felt right and it still does."

"Oh, my god." I approach the vehicle. "It's so pretty." He snorts opening the door for me. I flash back to graduation when he opened the door for me then but then shake the thoughts when another imagine of me riding him arrives. I step inside the car. Damn, Craig's doing so well for himself!

He sits in the driver's seat and starts the car. Meanwhile, I'm still checking out the interior. "This is amazing." I lean around my seat to see the back. "Oh, what is this?! A fucking laptop holder?! There's TV's on the back of our seats, Craig!" I slap his arm.

"There's one on the ceiling too." I gasp. "Wait 'till you hear the bass."

I fall back into my seat, shaking my head in disbelief. "If this is your car… I can't wait to see your house." He looks at me with his stupid face. "What?" I ask.

"You wanna come over then?"

I tense. Fuck! Filter, Tweek, use your motherfucking brain and think before you open your goddamn mouth! I wanna grab my hair and scream but we will not resort back to the cavemen years that were my childhood. "Um…" Yeah, because that's better than grabbing my hair and screaming.

"I mean, you basically invited yourself. I don't have a problem with you coming over, Tweek." He tells me. I pretend that I'm uncomfortable with the situation. He can call my bullshit though. "I just thought with your boyfriend that you wouldn't want to do that."

"Craig, shut up, oh, my god!" I cry out, grabbing my hair. "Agh."

He laughs, "That's adorable. I haven't seen you do that in an eon!" I cover my face. "Tweek, it's okay. It's not like you said anything bad."

I mean, he's right and then he's not. I'm supposed to have a boyfriend. Why am I going to dinner with my ex who clearly wants me? Well, he hasn't said he wants me. He convinced me this was a solely friendly dinner so let's not jump to conclusions just yet. He might just wants to catch up. "We never went out like this when we dated." WHAT, TWEEK?! OH, MY GOD! I mentally slam my head into the window. I'm an idiot. Why did I say that? We should not be talking about when we dated because it was the best period of my life! Well, more or less. Craig was the best part of it. Other than that high school sucked, my mom's boyfriend sucked, and I was high ninety-eight percent of the time… Why did I remember it being so good? Was it Craig? Maybe you just remember stuff better because who wants to remember stuff sucking?

After we broke up everything went to shit! I was depressed for the longest time and… Why am I thinking about this? It's like I'm ripping a Band-Aid off already healed wounds. No, no, I'm not doing this. I can be friends with Craig now without all the drama from the past. Fuck.

"This place is my favorite." Craig tells me as he pulls into a very expensive looking restaurant."

"Oh, I don't know about this." I say, pulling out my wallet. "I've been off work for a month… I just got a job again…" I explain.

He laughs, "Tweek, I'm paying. I asked you out."

"But, Craig, then that would make this a date."

He shrugs, "If you want it to be a date, it can be a date."

"Yeah, but I _don't_ want it to be a date."

He shrugs again, "Then it's not a date."

I huff, frustrated. "You're so annoying! You, like, don't even care that I have a boyfriend."

"I made reservations. We're gonna be late." He stares at the silver watch on his wrist. He ignored me. What an asshole.

We get out of the car and enter the restaurant. It seems Asian themed. It's got a pond in the waiting area, and all the waitresses are wearing fancy Asian dresses and their hair up with sticks poking out of their buns. Craig walks up to the hostess and they talk about our reservation and then we're being escorted through the restaurant. I'm admiring all the wall decorations and furniture. And then we're brought to a back room. Inside there's a short table and then something similar to pillows as, I guess, the seats.

Craig walks around the table and sits on one of the pillows so I do the same on the other side. The waitress hands us our menus and leaves. We get a whole room to ourselves? This is expensive, I know. Craig's such a dick! Such a sexy ass, classy ass, dick! After going over the menu three times I set it down enough for my eyes to look over to Craig who's already staring at me (creepy bastard) and say, "I have no idea what any of this stuff is."

He chuckles, "Do you want me to order for you?"

"Is it gonna be weird Chinese stuff?"

"Japanese." He corrects me.

"Whatever!"

"No," He says. "I'll order some basic stuff and some more exotic stuff so you can just choose yourself."

I make a face, "I don't want you to spend a lot of money on this."

He shrugs, "This really isn't breaking the bank for me. Plus, it's better to order this way here anyway."

"Whatever."

The waitress comes back and takes our drink orders and asks if we're ready to order our food. Craig orders everything for us and then she leaves again. Craig rests his face on his hand and looks at me. "So, how did you and prince charming meet?"

"His name's Rayne."

Craig fake coughs, "Gay."

I narrow my eyes at him but choose to ignore his childish behavior. "It's really pronounced Ryan but he says since his parents spelled it like a drunk kindergartener he just let people call him Rayne and now he prefers it."

Craig yawns. "I asked how you met, not for his biography."

I roll my eyes. "Well, we met…" I bit my cheek. That's how my brain gets me to shut up.

"Yeah…?" Craig motions me to continue.

"It's just…" I pause, messing with the buttons on my shirt. "It's kinda personal."

His lips tighten. "Oh." He says. "You don't have to tell me." The waitress comes back with our drinks and leaves. "How about that weather? It's really getting rainy."

"Don't do that, Craig. That's stupid."

"Do what?" He asks, innocently.

"Start talking like we don't know each other because I won't tell you how we met."

He shrugs, "You acted like we didn't know each other first. I'm just following your lead, Tweek. If it's too personal then I'll just ask less personal questions!" I clench my jaw. "How about local sport teams? Or politics?"

"Craig, that's-"

"Forget it. You don't have to tell me. We broke up. I have no rights to you and your business." He cuts me off and sips his drink. "How do you like the job?"

"It's nice. The people seem nice and it pays well." I take a sip of my own drink, probably unconsciously mimicking him.

He nods, "How was college?"

My face unintentionally drops. But I fix it quick and answer, "It was fine."

"Doesn't look fine."

I shake my head. "It wasn't the best four years." I admit. "I did a lot of stupid shit I regret." I stare at the condensation on my glass. I look up at Craig, who's already staring AGAIN. "What about you?"

He shrugs, sipping his drink. "It was okay. I got good grades." He says. "But I wasn't happy. I was lonely and occasionally I'd go to a stupid frat party just to get wasted and fuck someone." He scratches his nose. "Do you and prince charming live together?" He asks. I nod. "How long have you two been together?"

"Almost a year now."

"Oh." He leans his face on his hand. I'm curious about his relationships because it's starting to seem like there weren't any but if I won't answer his personal questions I can't very well ask them, right?

And, right on time, the food arrives to save the day from yet another awkward situation. The waitress, accompanied by another lady in a fancy dress, to help carry our plates. They set them all down on the table, bow, and tell us to enjoy before leaving again.

Craig and I don't speak while we eat for a long time. The food is really good but I really didn't expect it not too be. After we finish eating and Craig pays we leave the restaurant. We get back into Craig's super car and I realize I left my phone on the seat. It's lighting up. I click on power, the screen lights up.

Eight missed calls, three texts, and one message… Fuck, I forgot to tell Rayne! "Shit." Craig glances at me, starting the car. I dial Rayne's number and wait while it rings. Not even through the second one he answers.

"_Tweek, what happened? I thought you were supposed to get off at five. It's almost seven!_"

I cover my eyes with my hand, "Rayne, calm down. I'm fine. I just went out with a co-worker to dinner. I forgot to call." Craig snickers and I glare at him. He pretends to not see me though I know he does.

Rayne sighs, "_You know I'm a worrier!_"

I roll my eyes, "Yeah, Rayne, I know. But, I'm fine."

"_Don't roll your eyes at me. That shit pisses me off._"

"Oh, fuck you!" I make a fart noise with my tongue.

"_When will you be home?_"

"Soon."

He puffs, "_That's not helpful_."

"Neither is you getting worked up over this." I counter.

"_Fine then, come home whenever you freaking want. I don't care anymore because clearly you don't want me to!_" He hangs up. Whatever, he's not mad at me and I'm not mad at him. Our relationship is weird.

Without another word Craig drives me back to my car. Before I get out he says, "See you tomorrow."

I stare at him and then nod slowly. "Yeah…"

I'm not sure what to make of this.

* * *

_I wrote most of these on my phone and my phone is set to UK english- no I'm not british but that's what it's set to... I don't know- But that's why some of it will have British spellings. I didn't feel like going back and fixing eveyrthing ag._


	3. Chapter 3

I sit up and sigh. This is probably the tenth time this week. Thing's never used to be this bad. Maybe when I was eight, but I had awful anxiety back then. After that I used drugs for stress though and then after that I met Rayne. But, now it's happening again and I don't know what to do. It almost makes me want to resort back to drugs.

Great, now my head hurts and I'm on the verge of crying and Rayne hasn't even stirred. I can't do this. It was easier when I was just sad or just happy. Now it's unbearable hopping from okay to bad to worse to happy and over and over and over again! I can't deal with it.

I take a deep breath and grab my head. I can't even sleep it off because if I can even get to sleep I wake up from a nightmare! Finally the tears fall. I try my best to keep my sobs quiet and even if I didn't Rayne's a heavy sleeper.

Eventually, I get up. I pace around the kitchen. I sit on the floor, curled up for a while. After that I stand in front of my phone. It's gonna sound bad but I want to call Craig.

Another sigh and I end up spending most of the rest if the night watching reruns of old sitcoms. I did eventually fall sleep, only to be woken up twenty minutes later by a distressed Rayne who was freaking out about how 'if I can't sleep I need to wake him up!' and I just tell him I will next time and that I need to take a shower. I won't.

After my shower and brushing my teeth, I come out to Rayne making a pot of coffee, thank God. I'm gonna pass out. "Ya gonna be alright?" Rayne comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. "I'm sorry you've been having problems sleeping, Tweek." He kisses my neck.

I shrug, "I'm used to it." I pull away from him. "I g-gotta get-get g-going." He stares at me and even I'm a little surprised. What was that? I can't remember the last time I stuttered like that and I'm not even nervous right now. My hand shoots to my mouth. "I-"

"Tweek, it's-"

"Bye," I grab my case and my coat and rush out.

How embarrassing! And a little bit frightening. What's happening to me? I can't sleep, I can't talk, I'm not hungry. I feel sick. I'm almost shaking and for what? I mean, I didn't get any sleep and I've almost completely finished my coffee. I just got this! And I could have another one.

Oh, my god. I'm going back in time. I'm like I was in elementary school! I'm not completely there but I feel it and it's not gonna be long before I start twitching and screaming and if I start screaming at work I'm really gonna get fired!

They're gonna think I'm crazy! Rayne's gonna leave me! They're gonna make fun of me! I'm gonna be homeless and –

What am I doing? I'm acting paranoid. None of that's gonna happen. I'm fine. Everything is fine and I'm driving to work. I'm gonna eat lunch and I'm not gonna get fired. It will be okay. Rayne wouldn't leave me even if I did start twitching he'd pretend to be my therapist. We'd talk about my feelings and then probably fuck.

When I make it to work I take a few more minutes to calm down in my car and then head inside.

* * *

"Tweek,"

"GAH!" I drop all my papers and spin around to face Craig who just tapped me on the shoulder. I somehow managed to keep a tight grip on my coffee however. Yeah, I got another one. But this one's my fifth.

Craig gives me wide eyes and a half smile. "Um…" He looks at the coffee in my hands. I let out a relieved sigh and then drop to my knees to collect everything I dropped. He gets down helping me. "How are you doing, Tweek?" He asks after I almost got everything.

I stare at him and then after a few moments I close my mouth, I didn't know it was open and then I nod slowly. "Yeah, I'm- I'm fine."

"Still drinking coffee? It's almost noon." He points to my cup.

"Oh, uh," I look at my cup. "I didn't get- get g-good sleep last night." I admit. My left eye gives a twitch before he speaks and he stops himself to stare at me. I blink at him. After his eyes get to be too much I grab my papers from him and stand.

He stands slowly and eyes me, "What's wrong?" His voice is suddenly serious. It's deep and it startles me.

Suddenly I feel nervous and I begin to tremble. "I-I-I just- I just think-" I close my eyes. "I d-d-don't- I don't know- I- uhm- GEH!" My heart races and I swallow. When I open my eyes Craig's have softened and he looks more sympathetic which is so much worse!

"Tweek," He says, quietly. "You can come to my office to eat you lunch, if you want." I stare at him with skeptical eyes and then nod. "Sorry for scaring you." He leaves and I chug the rest of my coffee then head to the lounge to make another.

* * *

At lunch I'm in Craig's office munching on a sandwich. I give up halfway through though, setting it on his desk next to my water. He looks at the sandwich and then at me. "So, you're first week is practically over. How was it?"

It must've been harder than I thought because I'm freaking out. It's crazy because I have no idea what's sparking this anxiety but it's the worse it's ever been. "It was nice."

"What are you doing after work today?" He asks.

I look at him and his eyes stare right back. Jesus Christ… I swallow. "Nothing. Why?"

"You should come over." He says, flipping through files.

I chew the inside of my cheek. "Wh- For what?"

He shrugs, "We could watch a movie. You said you never get to because all your boyfriend watches is faggy chick flicks right? Well, I love old cheesy action movies and my favorite's Commando," Commando is in my top five. "I have a fifty-eight inch flat screen and I'm tired of watching by myself. You can come over and watch it with me."

I shake my head. "I don't know about that." Craig and I alone in a dark room?

"Why not?"

I sip my coffee and stare at the window. "I have a boyfriend." The last thing I need to do is go watch movies with my ex-boyfriend alone.

"C'mon, Tweek, nothing's gonna happen. You'll make sure of that." He mutters the last part and I almost glare at him. But he's right. Even if Craig does do something as long as I tell him to stop then that's all that's gonna happen!

I finally release my cup from my lips, "Fine."

"Okay, good." He says with a weird smile just making me that much more uneasy about the situation. I could always just say I'm sick. Craig wouldn't buy that. He's seen me and I've been fine all day. Plus he knows I'm acting weird. So if I'm gonna chicken out, I might as well tell him I just don't want to go.

What am I saying? I'm going. And everything will be fine. He said he was asking just as a friend which is odd if you think about it because never were Craig and I ever just friends, if I think about it. Just together and having sex. I mean that's not all we did but it was a majority. Who even knows if we'd work out anymore. Time changes people and I don't know about Craig but I've changed significantly, I think.

Actually, I do know. He has changed. Look how successful he is! He's worked hard to get here. I'm proud of him, honestly.

I grab my stuff. "G-gonna get-get back t-t-to work." I tell him with a struggle to get my words fully through my throat. He just nods.

"If you need me, just come up." He says, not looking up. I just nod and exit.

* * *

"You waiting for me?" I open my eyes and turn around. Craig smiles and I smile back. He's got a lot of stuff. Is him leaving early making him behind on work? If it is then why does he keep doing it?

I nod to his question, pressing the elevator button. "You could have came to my office." He informs me. I guess I knew that. I don't know why I didn't want to go to his office. I just don't want him to get tired of me.

I already called Rayne and told him that I was gonna be hanging out with a coworker. He said okay but then basically interrogated me about who it was and how I knew them. I lied and said it was a friend I went to school with. It's a partial lie because I'm not telling him we dated. Why would I do that? But if he finds out he's definitely gonna leave me. Jesus Christ.

Craig glances at me. "What?" He says.

I blink at him. "Huh?"

"You muttered something. I think you said Jesus Christ." Great. Now I'm going crazy! Can't even tell when I'm thinking and talking. No, that's just great.

"N-nothing." I wave him off. The elevator opens and we both step on. I'm a little hesitant when I think about how an elevator is actually made and how many accidents there have been involving them but Craig pulls me on which startles me. I didn't think he'd grab me. He does it gently but still I let out a yelp.

"You'll be fine." He assures me. "There's no way the elevator will break, I promise." How can you promise something you don't know? But then... How did he know what I was thinking?! I give him wide eyes and he shrugs. "You're very easy to read."

That's a fucking lie. I'm not easy to read and I know this because people tell me so all the time! I keep my mouth shut the rest of the way down. We pass through the lobby but not with out Jessica addressing us- or Craig. "Leaving early again?" Craig just nods. "You two going somewhere?"

He stops. "Shouldn't you be doing your job?"

She glares, "There's no one here." She says. The phone rings and Craig smirks. He gives her a wave and we continue on our way.

Jessica is really pretty. Typical blonde, blue eyes, boob job. A nice boob job too. And I've heard she's been here a while. This can't be the first time she's hit on Craig. I wonder why he doesn't go for it. When he said he was too busy working what does that mean? That he hasn't had one relationship after me? That's terrible. Why?

"You can follow me in your car." Craig tells me, heading to his own car. I just give him a nod and get into my crummy ford. So we drive, me significantly behind Craig due to fear of crashing into his billion dollar car and then going bankrupt as I try to pay him back.

After a short drive down town we pull up to a very tall, very fancy looking building with a large gate before the double door entrance. Craig shows me where to park and then we get out and walk up to the gate. Craig presses a button and says something into a speaker. I hear a loud click and the gates unlock. I look at him and he smirks.

He holds one of the large double doors for me. I step into the lobby. It's nice. It's got chairs and couches, a nice marble floor, and bright chandeliers. A nice big mirror with a gold frame on both sides of the room and I think down a hall is a kitchen and dining area, like a restaurant in the building.

Craig guides me to the elevators. He presses the button and we step inside. There's a small scan thing on the wall that Craig presses his thumb against and then he presses the floor. I look at him funny and he just laughs. We start to ascend. I glance at him for him to already be staring at me. "Cut that shit out!" He snickers. The doors open again.

It's dark. I step out and Craig goes to find the light switch I guess. I cautiously shuffle about until he does. When the lights finally turn on my mouth parts slightly.

His living area is a nice big open space. The wall is all glass but it's cover by closed blinds. It's probably a nice view though. He has a huge flat screen hung up on the wall and in front of it a black leather couch with a velvet blanket thrown over and matching arm chairs. There's a kitchen area with a bar and stools. There's a matching dining table and even a piano in the corner.

I turn to Craig slowly, "What. The. Fuck." I give the place another look over. It's amazing.

Craig chuckles. "It's nothing special. Just the pent house." He winks at me. I pretend to gag and we laugh. "You want a hot chocolate?" I nod and pull myself onto a stool at the bar, watching him prepare the drinks. This place is really nice. I watch, intrigued over the counter at him working. He just looks so competent. He's basically perfect. Isn't that what I thought of him when we were younger? Yeah, but now it's even more true. He's handsome, smart, and successful.

He grabs two mugs from a cabinet then fills them both with milk. He sets then in his microwave and starts it. "So, you like it?" He asks.

I nod like he's an idiot. "This is amazing." I give the place another look over.

He smiles, "You can start the movie." He points to a shelf of DVDs and the player.

"'Kay." I hop from the stool and begin to fumble with everything.

Once our hot chocolate is made and the movies playing through previews Craig flicks the lights back off and we settle on the couch. I hug a pillow to my chest and enjoy the beginning of the movie.

About ten minutes in Craig starts to speak. "Is the job too stressful for you?" I look at him by habit and I can't look away.

I know why he would think so. I started and now I've redeveloped my speech impediment and even twitch sometimes. But the job isn't any different than my last, to be honest and when I first started that one this didn't happen. The only thing different is Craig works here. But when I think about that it doesn't make me feel anything weird so it's not specifically that that's bothering me.

I shake my head, "It's not the job." I assure him. "I don't-don't know why I'm like this."

"Are you not... worried about it?" Is his next question.

I'm fucking freaking out! But I don't think I want to know what the problem is. This is me suppressing it and I don't wanna see me dealing with it. So I shake my head.

"Oh." Craig says. And then it's quiet again for a while.

"How c-come you don't-don't like Jessica? She's really pretty." I say. "And she's totally into you."

His face scrunches up. "Ew, Tweek, what the hell?" He shakes his head. "First of all, we work together and I wouldn't date someone I work with because what if we break up?" He starts. "Secondly, Jessica is annoying and a slut."

I bite my lip. "Do you date boys or girls now?" Craig shrugs which makes me wanna hit him because it was kinda embarrassing asking that question just for him to shrug. "What the fuck does that mean?"

He sighs and his eyes come to mine. "It's personal."

My heart skips. Fuck, what was that? Get it together, man! "AGH!" I grab my hair.

"Hey..." Craig takes my hand away from my head. "Don't." He says, simply. I give him wide eyes and he smiles gently. "It's just a little bit embarrassing to say." He admits. "But I haven't really dated anyone."

I furrow my brows. "Since like, _us_?" He nods, looking away. "Why not?"

He shrugs, "There just hasn't been anyone else I liked how I liked you." He tells me. "I slept with people but I mean, I am a man. They were usually girls just because that was easier to come by but occasionally a guy."

My cheeks heat up and I face the TV, silent. I guess if Craig had broken up with me I'd probably have felt the same way. But since I knew I was gonna break up with him I already was moved on. I mean yeah it did take a while and I thought I'd never find someone like him but then I met Hunter. Worst mistake of my life. Well, top twenty. I've fucked up a lot... Anyway, Hunter was a drug dealer. And I was a junkie. So you can see how that would work.

Probably worst stage of my life. What was I thinking? I was thinking this guy is cute and he has a lot of weed. And I like to smoke weed and fuck. And he says I can get it free. Done deal. I used him basically because he was an asshole and I would've never dated him otherwise. He was really hot though and second best person I slept with. He's second to, of course, Craig. My cheeks flush now. Dammit.

Also, this was shortly after my mom passed and so for comfort Hunter offered me some... Well, he just... He had a friend who also dealed and one night when I was down he said let's try something new. Cocaine. And it just all went downhill from there. Coke became part of the regular schedule. And slowly it stopped being something I wanted, more something I needed.

"Are you okay, Tweek?" Craig's voice rips me away from my memories. "You're shaking."

I stare at him, startled. "Yeah, just zoned out." That's good. I didn't need to think about that.

"How are things with your boyfriend, then?" I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath. "It's just you seem really on edge lately. Like you're overwhelmed. You know you can talk to me. It doesn't have to mean we're together or anything. I just like to know you're okay."

"Rayne and I are fine." I assure him. Now, if only I could convince myself. I need Rayne but lately things have been so rocky. We don't agree, we don't talk, we don't really go out either anymore. But we'll work through, I'm sure. I need us to. If Rayne left I don't know what I'd do. What would be left?

My eye twitches. "Are you sure you guys are alright? Did you hear what I just said?"

I nod, frustrated. "We're fine."

"It's just, you twitched so it wasn't very believable." I don't say anything, just stare at the TV, not even watching. "Is it him or you?"

"Can we stop talking about it?" Craig immediately nods and turns his attention back to the screen.

It seems somehow like that took no time considering how long the movie drags on. I don't even remember it ending.


	4. Chapter 4

I scrape the white powder onto my card and gather it into the corner with another card. I put the first card down and pick up the one with coke on it. I press my finger against my left nostril, closing the cavity and then take a bump of the substance.

Immediately my body relaxes and I start to line up there rest for another hit. But it starts to move, causing me to drop my card. I stare at the white powder beginning to grow in front of me on the table and stand. It becomes a black demon creature and stares at me with dark evil eyes.

I scream and run out of the unfamiliar room. Where am I? I run into the even darker streets. Above me the sky is absent, just black. Behind me the creature runs faster. I pick up my speed but it's like I'm running in water. My legs feel like lead.

Suddenly there's another figure in front of me. When I'm about to panic, I hear his voice and a relieved smile confess to my face. Rayne. He's gonna fight the cocaine monster and save us. That's why he's here.

I stop after catching up to him. I get behind him but instead of him slaying the beast like I thought he would the creature just consumes him and all I hear are his cries of agony and crushing bones. But that's not his voice. It's my mom's voice.

I watch horrified as the beast grows with my mother's screams and then I take off again. I run as fast as I can for as long as I can, my eyes shut as tight as I can shut them.

But then there's a noise and when I turn around the creature's gone but in its place is a injured Craig limping towards me.

My eyes go wide and I rush over to him, helping him stand but he suddenly becomes dead weight and we both go to the ground, his head in my lap. His eyes look cloudy. They lazily move over to mine and he starts to mouth words I can't understand. His hand covers a wound on his abdominal, bleeding out. "Oh, my god." I shake uncontrollably, cradling him. "No, Craig, no." I cry into his chest. I can't save him. There's nothing I can do! And he's dead because of me!

"Tweek," His voice is soft and hoarse. It reaches my ears but it's like I don't hear him. "Tweek," this time it's louder and clearer. I sit back and look at Craig. No, not Craig. This is not Craig. It's the creature again! It hands wrap around my throat and grips tightly, suffocating me.

I struggle to break free but to no avail. Now it's me who'll die. I kick and thrash but the evil thing just stares into my eyes and holds me. Where did Craig go? What about Rayne? I try to scream but nothing comes out. I keep trying even though it's probably gonna make me die quicker. I think that would be better anyways. He starts to shake me and I continue screaming.

"Tweek, wake up!" My eyes open. Where am I? "It's just a bad dream." Craig brings me into his chest and I just pant, trembling, and look around. It was just a dream, thank God. Now, it's Craig cradling _me_. It's very comforting. I just close my eyes and take in his familiar scent and the fact that he's not wearing a shirt before I realise... Craig's here. What the fuck? Why is Craig here?

I push him back and look around. We're still at his house. But now I'm in a room. I give him wide eyes and he smiles. "Are you okay?"

I shake my head, running my hands down my face. "Where am I?"

"My guest room." He answers.

"What... What...?" I take a deep breath. "Why? What time is it?"

Craig looks at the clock on the nightstand. "It's two and you fell asleep during the movie so I asked if you wanted to just stay the night and you said yes so I helped you to the guest room."

"Oh, my God." Rayne's probably pissed. Probably. He is gonna be super pissed. I'm gonna tell him I fell asleep but I don't know if he'll go for that even though it is true. "Fuck." I do not need another reason for him to be mad at me.

"Did you have a nightmare?"

I look up at Craig. He's wearing some baggy flannel pajama pants, loose on his hips, showing off the waistband of his boxers and his very defined V line. I swallow hard. His abs are way more toned now than before.

I don't remember him asking me but it must've happened because I don't remember being carried and I would've woken up if he carried me. He raises a sexy eyebrow at me and I just nod.

"Can I ask what it was about?"

I shrug, "I don't really remember."

"Oh." He says. "You were really freaking out. Punched me in the face, actually. Does that happen often or-"

"Lately, yeah, but don't worry about it." I punched him in the face?! Oh, my god! _Tweek_, oh, my god! I punched Craig in his sexy, perfect jaw lined face!

He nods. His hair isn't jelled but it still looks so nice. I think I'm going to have an aneurism. "Are you gonna be able to go back to sleep?"

"No, but you can go back to sleep. I'll probably go home anyways." I say with a shrug.

Craig shakes his head. "No way! It's way too fucking late for you to be driving around. If your boyfriend's gonna be mad, he's gonna be mad whether you stayed all night or can't home at two." Now that can only be partially right. I know he'll be mad either way but come home late is certainly better than not coming home at all, right? "I'll stay up with you, until you do fall asleep. If you do fall asleep." He adds.

_HOWEVER_, if staying here means Craig staying up with me... Suddenly Rayne's rage seems less important just because I don't want to get home, argue, go back to sleep, have a nightmare, wake up, and then sit by myself alone and depressed. "Sure." I say with a nod. "Sorry for, um, punching you in the face."

He chuckles, "Don't worry about it. Let's go raid the kitchen and watch TV, okay?" My face mirrors his smile and I throw the covers from me. We walk through the dark hallway and make it to Craig's kitchen. "Sorry if it's not much. I usually eat out."

I snort. "I find that way too hard to believe." I tell him eying his practically eight pack.

He shrugs, "I don't eat at fast food places. And I work out."

I nod, "So all you do is work out, read, watch action movies, and work."

He laughs, "Yeah, I guess."

"Is that it this time?"

He shrugs, "I think so."

We settle with some ice cream and ramen noodles. We sit on the couch and watch comedy routines for at least two hours just laughing and repeating the really funny jokes. And then somehow eventually I did fall asleep again. This time I have a dream about flying through space.


	5. Chapter 5

I wake up feeling warm and tingly. That meaning I was snuggling up to Craig's chest while sporting a boner. Luckily, when I look up to his face he's sleeping soundly still. I gently sit up.

I stand and stretch while he quietly snores on the couch. I must've thought he was Rayne in my sleep. Whatever, I'm a cuddlier. I'm not gonna make a big deal of it. It meant nothing. Though, I do appreciate him staying up with me.

It doesn't take much to find his towels and wash rags and then I head to his mega bathroom to take a lovely cold shower to get rid of my problem. His shower has two shower heads which is awesome. It's probably the best shower of my life.

When I'm finished I hear Craig in the kitchen. I head out and he smiles at me. "Hungry?"

Oh, boy. I think staying the night was a bad idea. Rayne's probably fuming and Craig probably thinks... Who ever knows what Craig's thinking? "I gotta head home. Have you seen my phone?"

He points a spatula towards the couch. I find it between the cushions and my stomach drops. Ten texts, eight missed calls, and five messages. Goddamn it. First it's just like, 'when are you coming home?' And then it goes to, 'are you okay?' And then, 'why aren't you answering?! Are you okay?' I sigh. I should've called. "Everything good?"

I nod at Craig, "Yeah, fucking peachy."

"Anything I can help with?"

Angry fills me as I turn to him, "Actually, yeah! Can you just leave me alone?! We are never gonna get back together! So asking me to spend the night and watch movies with you is just a little-Fuck- _inappropriate_!"

He puts his pan down. "I was just being nice." He says. "Fuck you, no one was holding a gun to your head. You could've said no."

"I was half asleep." I argue. "I didn't know what I was saying. You should have insisted I go home. Or at least made sure I called my boyfriend or something!"

He scoffs, "Yeah, because that's my responsibility?" He shakes his head. "Don't blame me for your fuck ups. You have nothing to be mad at me for right now!"

"I beg to fucking differ."

"Then go 'head and '_differ'_!" He raises his eyebrows expectantly. "What? What did I do?"

"You shouldn't even have offered to let me stay the night. You shouldn't have invited me to your place. You shouldn't have invited me to dinner either!"

"Oh." He says. "You want me to pretend you just don't exist? WE WORK TOGETHER! We are gonna see each other everyday." He says, stepping out of the kitchen but not in my proximity. "We dated. We broke up. You need to move on."

I snort, "That's fucking rich, Craig. I wasn't born yesterday. You and I both know every one of your intentions behind this. Just drop the fucking act and be honest with me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks, almost offended looking.

"Who hasn't dated since us, Craig?!" I say, blantantly stating what he should of figured out his damn self so I wouldn't have to say it.

"And where would that get me?" His voice drops to a whisper almost.

I roll my eyes. "I knew it." I mumble.

"I didn't say anything, Tweek. I asked a question." He says. "And honestly, I was only being nice. I wanted us to be friends regardless of our past, which, by the way, isn't even bad! Our break up wasn't even bad! The only bad part was how you stopped talking to me after a while and then it's like I didn't know you anymore. I'm pretty sure you were using again, but that's none of my fucking business."

My chest tightens. Right after Craig and I broke up we spoke, kinda. We were already struggling to keep contact so after we weren't boyfriends anymore it just got harder. And, yeah, I was using. I hadn't met Hunter yet and my mom hadn't passed yet but I was in college and I was young and I felt lonely and sad and usually when I feel those things I turn to the one friend who seems to always be there no matter what. "It isn't." I say, flatly.

Craig sighs, running a hand through his hair. His muscles flex with his movement and I have to tear my eyes away. I'm still mad but Jesus, he's so fucking hot. "Look," He starts, "All I'm trying to say is I want us to be friends."

"But you don't!" I snap. "We were never 'friends', Craig! We always fucked!" I say. "And maybe you think us meeting is like your second chance- it's not!" I tell him, surely. "Because, no matter what I do or what Rayne does we will be together. I need him to be with me."

"Do you love him?" He suddenly asks, cutting me off.

I pause and stare at him, startled by the question. What the hell. "I d-do! Of course I do!" His brows knit together and he stares back at me with a perplexed expression which makes me confused. What's that face for?

"Fine." He says, his temples pulsing and his fist clenched. "Want me to leave you alone? Fine, I'll leave you alone. Get out."

And with that I'm in my car heading home. I dial up Rayne. "Hello?" I'm surprised I didn't get a, 'Jesus fuck, are you okay? I was so worried.' But this is probably the worst answer I could get.

"Hey, Rayne... How are you?"

He laughs, "Oh." He says, a little sarcasm seeping into his tone. "Where were you, Tweek?"

"I fell-fell asleep at my friend's house."

"We can talk when you get home." _Beep_.

Well, fuck me.

The drive is unfortunately quick and before I know it I'm in my apartment complex and parking. Rayne opens the door before I even pull my keys out. He let's me in and then stands with his arms crossed. I set my stuff on the dining table. "You didn't call or text. I didn't know where you were. I didn't know if you were safe."

"I'm sorry, Rayne." I say to him. "We were watching a movie and I haven't sleep in days. I just fell asleep."

"Your '_friend_' didn't wake you up?" He asks, his hands making air quotations when he says friend.

"No, he didn't." I answer quickly. "Why are you using air quotations around friend? You think I'm, like cheating on you or something?"

He shrugs, "Lately things with you have been sketchy." My eyebrows knit together in confusion and he continues. "You're super jumpy and nervous around me, you're getting less sleep, coming home late, and I've never met this guy."

"You wanna meet him then? Because I have nothing to hide!" I tell him honestly. "Maybe I've just been stressed from a new job? Maybe I'm stressed because my boyfriend is always on my back now, he doesn't trust me, and thinks I'm cheating on him and I'm scared that he'll leave me even though I love him!" I tremble, getting too worked up.

Rayne sighs and stares at the clock. "I don't know..." He walks over to the couch and flops down. "If the new job is too overwhelming I don't want you to push yourself, Tweek." He says.

"The new job is not overwhelming me." I assure him.

"Then what's the matter?!" He snaps. "Why have you been so jittery lately and what's keeping you up at night?" He asks. "It really makes me think your hiding something from me!" He says. "Are you-" He hesitates. "Are you using again? Please, God, tell me you aren't using again."

"Rayne, oh, my god..." I turn away, almost in tears. "I can't believe you'd even ask me that."

"I can't help but think things when you won't tell me what the truth is." He defends himself. "I'm sorry, but if you don't tell me I can only assume. I'd understand, Tweek. You just need to let me know so I can help you."

"I'm not using anything! I'll tell you what I will use though! This chair to bash your fucking face in if you _ever _fucking accuse me of using drugs again, you fucking ass-munch, dick-hole, douchebag!" I sob.

"Tweek..." I hear the couch creak from Rayne standing. "I'm sorry."

I shake my head and wipe my face. "Forget it."

"All we ever do is argue."

"No, we don't."

He snorts. "Why are you lying. Lately, yeah, we freaking do."

"We'll work it out. We always do."

He pauses. "Yeah... I know. What's up with you?"

I wipe the rest of my tears. "Nothing." I just don't want him to think we should break up.

"Do you think I'll leave you or something?" I shake my head. "Tweek, I'm not gonna leave you."

"I know."

"Just tell me why you're so stressed."

"I don't know."

He sighs, loudly. It pisses me off so I sigh louder. He scratches his head. "You don't have any clue what it might be?" I shake my head. "But it's definetly not the job?" He gives an amused smirk. I shake my head again. "Well, fine... for now, I guess. Whatever, we'll-" He hugs me. "We'll figure it out."

* * *

_Hopefully two chapters makes up for not posting ever. I got distracted with another story i haven't updated in a while because I got distracted with ANOTHER story. So, yeah check out Divine and Acquiescent if it tickles your pickle and if it doesn't then maybe my upcoming story Lucky For Once, look forward to it. Review and tell me what you think is wrong with Tweek o: And follow me if you want updates on my other stories. Adios._


	6. Chapter 6

I feel really bad about everything that happened with Craig. There is a small possibility that what he did was just out of kindness and the mindset that perhaps we could be friends regardless of our history. I just really, highly doubt that. I mean, I knew Craig. I _knew _him. But, even if that's true, why did I go? If I knew Craig was just gonna try to make a move on me? Did I really not want him to? Of course I didn't.

I tried calling him all weekend. He never answered. I shouln't have went off on him. I was only blaming him for my problems and that's really not fair. I need to apologise but he won't answer and he... well, he lives in a "gated" community. I doubt he'd buzz me in. I know he wouldn't actually.

Rayne kisses my forehead. "Are you feeling better?" He asks, concerned. He's been like this all weekend. Every since we had that argument. He's been staying up until I'm asleep- until he thinks I'm asleep when in reality I'm just waiting for him to fall asleep so I can get up, pace, think, eat, and on occasion just watch TV. After that I have to sneak back into bed though because I don't want him thinking I'm not getting sleep. I don't want to worry him. "You've been getting better sleep, I think."

I nod with a smile. "Thanks, babe." We kiss and he hands me my case. And then I'm out. Half my coffee is gone by the time I get to work. The rest is gone before I even make it to my floor. I need it if I'm gonna get trhough the day. I need another cup. Rayne thinks I'm finally sleeping better but I actually think I'm sleeping worse. Saturday I was up until one hour before Rayne gets up. Even then I wasn't really sleeping when he woke up.

So much. People are asking me to do so much work. And I need to talk to Craig. I'll go during lunch. God, I'm so tired.

-x-

Skip five hours of me struggling to keep myself awake, and an excessive amount of coffee later and it's lunch time. walking down the hall to Craig's office.

I knock on Craig's office door. I hear him call out, "Who is it?" and push the door open, knowing if I announce myself, I definetly wouldn't be getting in. Craig's eye lift from his work but his expression remains emotionless. "Yes, Mr. Tweak?"

I could wince from his coldness but hold my own. Fuck that, I'm twitching all over the goddamn place. "I-I-I need to- to t-talk to you."

His eyes avert back to his paper with trouble etched into his face, mostly his eyebrows. I wonder why. "Go ahead."

"I'm sorry about what I- what I said. I d-didn't mean it." I tell him. "You were right I was just t-t-trying to blame you and that's not- it's not right." I manage.

I can see Craig grinding his teeth because his temples are pulsing. He used to grind his teeth in his sleep when we were younger. He doesn't say anything for more than several moments and I consider speaking. I consider leaving. But he finally looks up.

He doesn't look happy but Craig doesn't naturally look happy so even when he looks pissed he could be fine. This, though... This looks like an unhappy, not happy face. I don't think this is going to work in my favor, which is really unfortunate because I don't want Craig to hate me. "I thought about it and I don't think us hanging out is a good idea. You were right we were never friends. If we hang out now it's just gonna make it harder for you and your new relationship. The last thing I want to do is stress you out, Tweek."

My heart plummets. And my shakes just get worse. I did it. I fucking suck, oh, my god. What have I done. I shake my head and scoff, "Craig-Craig- You're - I was just upset so I-"

"You were honest." He finishes for me. "Don't worry about it, Tweek. This is for the best."

I shake my head more. "No, were you listening?"

"I was listening. I just think what you said before was how you actually felt. You must've been thinking that at some point. It doesn't matter, Tweek. This is what's happening. It's better that we stop now, than to continue this and," He shrugs, "Catch feelings for each other again and ruin your relationship with prince."

"But, thats-"

"Tweek, please leave my office. If I'm your boss it's a little _inappropriate _if you eat your lunch in here."

Oh, wow, now that hurts. Instead of talking I just walk out. I walk all the way down the hall to the trash and dump my food, suddenly not so hungry. I get another coffee from the break room and then I get back to work, finding it hard to keep focus or do even simple tasks.

It takes me all day. I text Rayne I'll be late.


	7. Chapter 7

I tremble and sniff, sobbing silently into the couch pillow. Another night. Another day. Another night. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't think. Rayne doesn't know. Craig doesn't talk to me. It's been a month. Another day. Another night. Another day. I feel like I'm going _insane_.

I drink so much coffee, it must be pumping through my veins at this point. It might be a reason I can't sleep but if I can't sleep I need it to stay awake. It doesn't make any goddamn sense!

Whenever I manage to sleep I have nightmares about Rayne attempting to save me, failing in the process, and dying. Then he turns out to be my mom. It doesn't make any goddamn sense!

ABC's played this episode three nights in a motherfucking row! Nothing good is on at four in the morning! I shouldn't be awake right now anyways! I feel sick. All the time, I feel sick.

I lie to Rayne left and right and my work is suffering. I know if I don't do better. I know what will happen. I'll definetly get fired but that doesn't help the anxiety.

I'm a horrible person. Especially to feel sorry for myself.

Everytime I end up in this situation I have one thing on my mind. And it makes me even more sick. I just wish I could use.

Hard swallow.

One line. Three hits. A bump. A blunt.

Deep sigh. Shallow breaths.

And nothing would even matter.

Why does Rayne care so much? How can he care about me and my health so much when I don't even care about it that much?! I could limit myself. I'd only use on the weekends or long nights. Just enough to help me. I can't do this anymore!

I just want- I want relief! Fucking something! Not this. Another night. Another day. Another _fucking _night.

It's torture. I don't know what to do.

I grab my phone, another part of my routine now. I stare at a dialed number I'll never actually call and then slam the phone into the cushions. I lie flat on my stomach, my head turnt to stare at my phone facing down on the pillow and weep softly. I don't know. Why would I want to call Craig instead of just waking up my boyfriend? He's my original sponser.

Because he's _not _my original sponser and I know. Maybe this whole time Rayne was just some kind of replacement.

For who, though? Craig? They're nothing alike and if I were using him for that I'd know it. I wipe my eyes, stopping my crying to breathe.

"Tweek,"

My heart hitches. Did I just hear something? My eyes open and my noises cease. I don't say anything as I wait.

"Tweek..." Slowly, I pull my hand up from my side and I pick my phone up. Craig. For a minute and thirty seconds. My eyes widen like serving plates. Holy fuck. "Are you okay? What- What happened?"

Sitting up, I hold my nose shut with one hand and the phone to my ear in the other. What do I do? Do I hang up? Do I respond? I'm at a loss for words. "Tweek..."

"Yeah." I say. "Sorry... I just... d-didn't mean to- to call you..."

"Oh." He's quiet. "Well, are you alright? I know you have trouble sleeping. I answered because I was worried." He tells me. "We aren't supposed to be talking." He explains. "Not like this, at least."

I don't say anything. "I didn't mean to call you."

"But you did." He says. "And here we are."

"I'm just gonna hang up. _We aren't supposed to be talking. Like this, at least_."

He sighs, "Tweek, just tell me what's up."

"I don't know." I admit.

"Well, something's bothering you. Wait, you haven't been sleeping this whole time? Are you okay? Jesus Christ."

"I'm fine." I lie, automatically. "I should go."

"It's four in the fucking morning. I've notice your coffee intake, by the way. You're clearly _not _alright and if you can't tell your prince then fucking tell me because I just don't care."

"Then why did you stop talking to me!" I snap. "You do fucking care. I just can't tell about what."

"You hurt my motherfucking feelings. And we aren't even dating!" He snaps back. "I thought it was ridiculous. I thought it was the best thing to do."

I snort. "Bullshit."

"So this is about me not talking to you anymore?"

"No!" I groan. "I don't know what it's about."

He pauses, "Is it about Rayne?"

"I keep having dreams where he dies and then ends up being my mom." I say.

"Oh, well, that's... weird. What'd you think it means?"

"If I knew," I say. "I definetly wouldn't be telling you."

"Sometimes I have dreams we're having sex." He confesses.

I choke. "See, _that _right there."

"I'm just being honest." He defends himself. "But, seriously, that's weird and if you keep having it then your problem probably is about him."

"I should go."

He silent. "Fine. Are you gonna be good?"

"If I couldn't sleep before I don't see why I'd-" I'm cut off by a yawn. "be-be able to now..." I finish.

"Tweek," His voice is soft and close to the phone. I take a deep breath, remembering what it's like to have Craig so close to my ear. "I swear you'll be okay." He assures me. "Here's what I want you to do. Get a soundtrack of waves and rain and stuff like that and then play it before you go to bed. Focus on the sounds and nothing else. It's gonna relax you and I promise you'll be able to sleep. For now just try not to think about bad stuff. Think about the positive stuff. If you can't do that, try math equations." Somehow I feel better now than I did a few minutes ago. Would I feel the same if I had woken up Rayne? Would he have done this? "It's almost five." He says after more silence.

"Goodnight, Craig."

He snorts, "Goodnight, Tweek, I'll see you at work." He hangs up, I toss my phone, and head back to the room. As soon as my head hits the pillow I pass out.

* * *

rEVIEW. c:


	8. Chapter 8

I'm eating in Craig's office again because after the call that night things slowly got back to how they were. He's weird now though. I can't tell if it's a weird like he might have feelings for me or a weird like he's really worried about me but either way is fine if we're talking.

This is bad, isn't it? That I'm starting to feel like I need him like I need Rayne. It is. But it's a different need. I need Rayne like... I don't know but it's a different need.

He's giving me that look again. "What?" I ask. He's started to wear glasses and I'm curious as to if they're real or not.

"Are you gonna eat? You always just come in here and rant. I haven't seen you eat." He points out.

"I eat. Just after work." I lie. I just don't feel hungry a lot. I eat when I'm hungry and I just never feel hungry.

"Do you have breakfast?"

"Yes, I do."

He narrows his eyes. "Motherfucking liar."

"Compulsive, I think." We laugh and then continue our silence. He's giving me that look again. "_What_?"

"Nothing," He shrugs, "Knowing that some other guy is making you happier than me makes me feel jealous." And then that. A lot of that lately. My heart skips. Asshole.

I avert my eyes and sip my juice. My sleeping has gotten better, at least so no more coffee. "You can't say that." I tell him, like I always tell him.

He nods, "Yeah, whatever, I'm just being honest. It's not fair. Here you are, life's once again brought you to me but I can't have you? And for what? Some douchebag you only use to replace me."

I scoff, "Cocky much?"

"No, just honest." He corrects me, pushing his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose by the sides.

I roll my eyes. "I'm not using Rayne to replace you. I never was. You two are nothing alike." I already confirmed that I wasn't. But that doesn't mean I'm not using Rayne. I just need to clarify what I'm using him for.

"Do you love him?" He asks.

"Of course I love him!"

Craig raises an eyebrow and two hands in defense. "Cool it. I was just asking a question."

"I do love him." I say, calmly. Those glasses make him look even better than he already did. Which seemed impossible. It's a different kind of sexy. Like a mature sexy, or a boss type sexy. "So, stop being a dick."

He laughs, "How am I being a dick?"

"You're too sarcastic and I see it."

He smirks, "You'd be the first and the only."

"No, I'm probably just the only one who points it out because I don't give a shit what you think about me. Everyone else is damn near ready to lick your balls for your approval. They wouldn't want to fuck up."

He hums in consideration. "Yeah, probably." We laugh.

It goes back to being quiet while we eat. "So, _honestly_, the first time you invited me over was it to try to get me back?"

Craig looks at me and then at the window. "Um..." His mouth twist to the side. "You know, subconsciously I might have been doing that." He looks at me and smiles. "Who could blame me?"

"Craig," I start with a warning tone.

"Tweek, please, don't with the lecturing." He stops me with a raise of his hand. "Whatever's been freaking you out lately either has something to do with me or something to do with Rayne. I can't help you any more than that. If you wanna talk... _when _you wanna talk, I'll be right here. Because you're worth waiting for and I understand that." He says. My cheeks blush. "And what we had is worth reviving. I never stopped loving you. Us breaking up had to happen, no offense." He adds. "If it hadn't I wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be there. But now we're where we're supposed to be and I think us meeting again wasn't just some chance thing." He explains further. "I know you feel the same way."

I swallow but remain silent. I'm contemplating leaving because this is positively pissing me the fuck off. Where does he get off telling me about myself?

He might be right though.

"You said you weren't using Rayne to replace me. But that doesn't mean you're not using him. When you figure out what for you're gonna feel like shit. I'll still be here." He keeps his gaze in my eyes and I keep mine fixed on the corner of his desk. "That doesn't mean you two would break up or we'd get together but if you need someone..." I hear him set something on the desk and slide it over. It's a key. "This will get you in my place whenever. You can come when I'm home, when I'm not, I don't give a fuck. I love you, Tweek." How ironic.

I take it and stand, abruptly. My head hurts. Oh, god, my head hurts. What does he mean? Why would he tell me all of this? I am using Rayne. I know I'm using Rayne. I grab my things and storm out of the room.

I drop everything in the nearest trash can and head for the bathroom. Once I get there I lock the door and stare in the mirror. I need to think back. I need to go back to everything. I met Rayne because I had a drug problem and I wanted help. He helped me and I realized he was an awesome guy, we started dating. So what would I be using him for?!

I pull my phone out and hit his contact. It doesn't ring long before his beautiful voice is in my ear. "Hey, what's up?" I close my eyes and say nothing. "Are you alright? You're breathing is all over the place."

"I just... I need- I need you." I stutter, holding in a sob.

"Tweek, what happen?"

I cover my mouth with my hand and bite my palm. "C-C-Can you-you leave early?"

"Of course. Of course." He says. "I'm packing now. I can be home in half an hour." He tells me. "Tweek, breathe, relax. Everything will be fine." That's what he's told me countless times over the phone. When I thought I might relapse. I'd call him and ask him to come over in a sloppy mess and he'd tell me he's on his way and everything will be fine. Instantly my heart slows and the tears cease. "You're gonna be fine, alright? I'm heading home right now."

I wipe my face and nod. "Okay." I say. "Okay. Yeah, me too. Thank you, Rayne."

When I get home I rush to the door and fumble with my keys. Rayne pulls the door open and grabs me in an embrace. He kisses my lips and then my cheek and then my ear. "Hey," He breathes against my skin.

I nod into his shoulder. He holds me for a long time. And I can't help but think how lucky I am to have him. This is why I need him. He clearly loves me and he's an amazing person. Craig's just fucking with my brain function. He said it's either him or Rayne and he's totally right. It is fucking him! It's his constant flirting and confusing me because we used to date and yeah, I used to love him. I'm sure I still do in some sort of sense but not in a boyfriend sense. Like an old friend way.

"You okay?" He asks. "You really worried me." Rayne tells me, pulling away.

My body aches from his absence. "Yeah, I think I was just having a panic attack..." I say. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, no." He hugs me again. "Don't ever feel bad for needing me. I'm here for you. I love you, Tweek."

My heart skips. That's almost exactly what Craig said. Shallow breaths, breath right, can't breathe, fuck. "C'mon," He says. "We can eat ice cream and watch whatever fucking movie you want. Whether it has a million fight scenes or Arnold Schwarzenegger."

My body relaxes and I look up at him. "Even if it's both?"

He laughs, "Yeah, even if it's both."


	9. Chapter 9

I play with the edge of the wooden table, feeling a little bit guilty. Why did I come here? I'm not doing anything wrong and Rayne knows where I am. Still... "Is this weird?"

"Yes," Craig replies from the kitchen. "But it's not wrong," he winks at me.

I snort, "Oh, yeah, this is _so _wrong."

"Yet, you're still here," he points out. "Foods almost done."

"I can't believe you're making spaghetti," I say, appreciating him changing the subject. He gives me raised eyebrows and I explain, "It just makes it seem even more like a date."

"You want it to be a date? It can. I have candles," he teases.

"Craig, no," I warn. "Or I'm gonna have to leave."

He whines, "Don't leave! The foods done." He comes to the table with two plates of spaghetti. He sets one in front of me. It's quiet for the first few minutes while we eat. I notice how Craig doesn't look up once. He seems to find his spaghetti really interesting all of a sudden.

Finally I say, "Is there something you wanted to talk about? You seem... Weird. Just- _weird_." His eyes shoot to mine, causing in me jumping and drop my fork. I avert my eyes, "Forget it. You don't have to answer..."

He shrugs, "There is a reason actually. I'm just stalling." I nod, playing with my food. Honestly I'm full but I don't want Craig to think I don't like it. It's wonderful I just don't eat much. He shakes his head. "Probably nothing. I don't know. I-" He looks down. "I saw my dad the other day."

Oh, wow. "I don't think he saw me. If he did, he didn't acknowledge me. I think my mom said he found another girl and got remarried." He continues. "It's been on my mind even though I keep trying so hard to just let it go." He sounds frustrated. I feel bad for him. I know what it's like to have your father ignore you. But I don't have any super advice. "I wish he didn't affect my life!" He hits the table. "Here I am, a grown man with my own life and I'm still worried about this man who refused to raise me!" He stops suddenly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"No!" His eyes shoot to mine. "I'm just- I... Uh... I just mean that you shouldn't feel bad that you have- that you have feelings. My dad still bothers me." I tell him, trying to make him feel better or something but I think I just sound stupid. "Not that our situations are the same I j-j-just mean- I don't know- I wish that my dad would've at least forgiven me at my mom's funeral. But it's probably my own fault. I shouldn't have been there, not when I was-"

_Stop_. Stop talking.

At my abrupt stop Craig's eyes draw back up. But my mouth is already shut, tight. He doesn't say anything but does he have to? I know he knows what I was going to say or has an idea at least. God damn it. He's judging me now. He has to be. Who goes to their mother's funeral high?!

"You really...?" He trails off but my mouth remains in a tight line. He doesn't finish either. Instead we eat in silence again.

"I... Didn't." I sigh. "Know. How. To... Feel." I explain painfully pausing after every word. I reach a hand to my head and grab a handful of hair before I continue. "After she passed away. It just got so much worse... I d-dont know- never mind."

"Tweek,"

I cut Craig off before he can finish. "I just-just c-couldn't stop! If I wasn't high, I thought about -about it and... I don't know."

"What happened?" I give him apprehensive eyes. "You think I'm gonna judge you or something? Please, Tweek, there's nothing you can do that'll make you a worse person than me." He assures me.

I shrug, "I met Hunter. Hunter sold drugs so I never ran out." I chuckle, sadly. "Of course it started to become not enough. Hunter wanted to make me feel better. So he got me... stuff that would do the job." I tell him. "You know... It- it was cocaine..." I say, blatantly. The word leaves my mouth like a knife being pulled from my throat.

Craig just nods silently. So I continue, "Easily, I got hooked. And one thing lead to another Hunter and I broke up but coke and I were closer than ever." I push my noodles around. "It was bad and then got worse. I just didn't care. If you told me I would die- and I definitely would have died at the rate I was using- I wouldn't have cared. I didn't have a reason to be alive any ways."

I wrap my fingers around my hair. "I don't know why I stopped. I guess I just realized- Or more, I remembered what you told me... And I just broke down. I found a group and I got a sponsor. When it was all said and done we started going out. Rayne." I conclude.

Craig's face is unsettling and I'm about to address it when he says, "You should go." I just blink at him. What part upset him? I knew I shouldn't have told him. "I just think it's better if you don't hang out with me when you're dating him."

"What are you talking about?" We're doing this shit again?!

He stands taking his plate and mine. "Tweek, this is wrong."

I gap at him, "You said it wasn't."

He looks at me with a very serious look. "You have a boyfriend. You should spend your free time with him." He says. He sighs, "I think this was a bad idea. To go back to this, I mean." He says, gesturing between us.

"You're in a relationship and I'm not. You were right about this being too much like a date. Maybe we should keep a professional relationship. I just don't think we can get back what we had and it'll be worse trying for something we can never obtain, especially if you're in a relationship already. You know what I mean?"

I scoff, "No, no, I have no idea what you mean!" This can't happen again. What the fuck. He doesn't like me at all any more. Did I talk about Rayne too much or- or was it the drug abuse? "Craig,"

He shakes his head, "You need to go. And you don't come back and you don't call me in the middle of the night-"

"Craig,"

"What are you doing?!" He snaps. "We can't keep doing this. When we dated it was awesome, but you broke up with me! Now we're older we're- we're different..." He says. "Let's be honest, your boyfriend doesn't want you over here and I don't want you over here anymore either. Please just leave now."

Clenching my fist I shout, "I was _honest_!" I snap, sharply. "You said you wouldn't care and I told you the worst parts of my life and now you're kicking me out?! Does that even sound okay?" Craig rubs his eyes. "It doesn't." He won't look at me. "You _know_ it doesn't!"

"Tweek, please go." My mouth moves but I don't speak. I can't find words. What else could I say? He'd shut me completely down. But I can't... He can't... do this to me. "C'mon, Tweek, don't make this difficult."

Stumbling back to my car after being told to leave the lobby of Craig's apartment building- can you call it that? Isn't that what it is? I was standing in there for far too long just doing nothing. I wasn't even thinking. I was trying to process, if not why Craig threw me out like that, then why I care so much that he did.

I guess... I was finally starting to feel okay again and that was partly Craig's doing- _all _Craig's doing(?) And that brings me to a bigger question. One I don't even know how to word. However the answer vibrant in my brain, throbbing against my skull and stressing me the fuck out!

After getting in the driver's seat of my car I reach both hands to the side of my head, tangling the fingers in my hair.

This shouldn't have happened.

What is Rayne? Why did I start to date him? I don't like Rayne! I never liked people like Rayne! He was a great sponsor, just what I needed at the time for my problem but why did I start dating him. He was just so good at comforting me when my mom wasn't there anymore. Why did I move in with him?

I know the answer to that too now. It suddenly all hits me like a load of bricks, like a wrecking ball smashing into a building, everything crumbling after impact.

Rayne was just substituting for my mom.

He's just like her. I need her so I need him. But Craig's who I really want. But now he doesn't want me. I can understand... I've got too much shit. If I were him I wouldn't want to deal with it either.

Now what? Am I supposed to tell Rayne? I don't want to do that. I don't think I'm ready to lose him yet still...

My phone in my pocket vibrates. I yank it out convinced it's Craig calling to tell me he over reacted and wants me to come back.

Instead it's a number I don't recognize. I hit answer regardless still a little hopeful Craig has a house phone or something.

A deep husky voice enters my ear that sends chills down my spine, "Hey, babe, long time, no see. I'm in town and if you want... Well, I want you to swing by if you're free." My mouth feels like a desert and everything in my body screams. "Could be like old times."

But what I wouldn't give for just a minute not feeling like I'm gonna jump out a window from the stress.

"Yeah... Sure, Hunter. Where are you?"


	10. Chapter 10

"CRAIG!" I throw the front door open. "We need to talk!"

Rayne walks out of the bedroom, looking like he just woke up. "Yeah," he says, "No shit." He pauses, "Did you call me Craig?"

I shake my head hard, "No! Shuddup! Listen, I haven't been honest."

"You've been cheating on me?" he immediately asks.

I groan, "No! Sit down." I gesture to the couch.

He sits but still asks, "Are you okay? Are you drunk?"

I shrug, sitting next to him. "Maybe a little drunk." I admit, knowing that's not all I am. But I know how to hide it. "Listen, I only started dating you so I wouldn't go crazy about losing my mom. You remind me a lot of her so I kept you around."

"What?" he says, confused. "What are you trying to say? Where did this come from? What the- what the fuck?!"

"Rayne, calm down."

He gives me wide eyes. "_Calm down_? I don't even know where you were! It's almost five! Where were you?!"

"I was-uh- out." I shrug. "With my friend." He gives me a disapproving look that almost is exactly like my mom's disapproving look and I remember my point. I point at his face. "SEE! She made that face all the time when I came home shitfaced!" His jaw tightens. Oooh, he's unhappy. "Rayne, I definitely wasn't cheating on you. I even ran into an ex who tried to kiss me and I shoved him on his ass. I was kinda offended he would even-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Rayne cuts me off. "You ran into an ex? Hunter?"

Oh yeah, maybe I shouldn't have actually told him that. BUT HE THINKS I CHEATED ON HIM. I AM NOT A CHEATER! How dare he? When I've done nothing but give him my loyalty. I give him a one shoulder shrug and he gives me a look of death. "You were with Hunter?! Doing what?!"

"Oh, my god, Rayne calm down! That's not what any of this is about!"

"No, we talk about this now!"

I roll my eyes, "We ran into each other."

His eyes narrow. "Oh, really?" He says. "All you did was talk? And he has nothing to do with why you're coming back at four?" I shake my head and his face shows a troubled expression. "Are you high?"

Despite the fact that Rayne and my relationship is over, despite the fact that Craig will probably never talk to me again, despite the fact that I, the former junkie, have relapsed after almost a year, and despite me being a complete and utter shitbag of a human being, I laugh at the accusation. Not only laugh, I can't stop giggling.

However Rayne's face holds the darkest expression. "I can't help you if you don't want help," he says simply, standing and heading back to the room.

I follow. He's in there, throwing clothes and hygienics in a bag. "What are you doing?" I ask, curiously. "I'm kinda feeling like a cat," I tell his back. Cute back. "If you wanna... _you know_, before you go. Like a last time type of thing. I'm good with that too."

He looks at me, hurt. "I can't believe you did this. Lately, it's like I don't even know you. You wanna break up now, like this? Fine, I'm going."

"Rayne, why can't you just listen?"

"I'm listening," he zips the bag up and goes to search for his sweater.

"Were you listening before to what I said? I meant it, no matter how high or drunk I am right now I meant every word." I tell him. "I was using you for my mom but that doesn't mean I don't want you around. I just don't wanna date. Ya know? Because dating your mom is weird."

He shakes his head. "No, not at all." He grabs his bag. "Maybe you need more time to think. Meanwhile, I'll be with my brother."

"You're brother's a douchebag! You hate him!" He doesn't say anything, just keeps walking. "Rayne, stay and talk."

He laughs, "You've said everything you need to say. I have nothing to say so I'm gonna head out. Why don't you go find Hunter again and snort some more lines, then? Instead of mourning your loss, moving on, and dealing with your fucking problems like a normal human being."

His words jab my heart. My jaw clenches. I pull my fist back and punch him in the face. "Fuck you," I spit. "I can't even believe you just said that to me."

He grabs his face, gapping at me. He scoffs, shaking his head. Rayne storms out. I hear the front door slam and sink to my knees. I try calling Craig. I try calling Rayne. Even, for the heck of it, I call my mom's old number. No one ever answers. Great. My high's ruined.

* * *

"Tweek, are you okay? I think you might have had too much."

I shake my head. Everything moves with it. "No," I push my hand into Hunter's face. "I'll tell you when I've had enough," I say, struggling to lift my body from my laying position. "We used to do way more than this." Everything I see is pulsing with the beat of my heart. It's hard to keep everything still.

"Are you... No, you're fucked up. You must not remember but we definitely didn't…" His voice fades away and comes back randomly. I blink slowly, staring at the ceiling. There are colorful shapes forming and disappearing to the beat of the music Hunter has playing from his phone. He keeps touching me but I kick until he stops.

"What time is it?" I turn my head towards him.

He shrugs, looking at his phone. "Seven," he says.

"Okay, okay," I squint at him. "What day is it?"

He chuckles, "It's Saturday now."

I nod, my eyes shutting. "I gotta go," I tell him. "I have so much... " My words drift into a jumbled mumbled mess.

"Can you drive?" He asks. I just laugh. "I can take you where you wanna go."

"Oh, my god." My eyes are still closed, yet I see rainbows. "You're amazing." I grin. "But, before we go can we do, like... one more line. Just a little bit more of... everything."

"I think you shouldn't. I'm worried you might-"

"SH-tz-zz-zd." I push my palm into his face again. "Don't talk. Just give me the bong. Please,"

"Alright, whatever, you say." After we both take a hit and a bump, I'm feeling even more chilled but at the same time hype and I kinda feel like I'm gonna pass out. Probably not though. Hunter and I stumble to his car. Why is he more capable of driving than me? Oh, probably because...

I can't remember.

The drive seems like an eternity but once we get there it feels like we teleported. I trip out of the car and thank Hunter, "I'll probably never see you again so bye,"

"Aw, don't say that," he smirks.

"Seriously, don't call me, like ever again," I tell him, shutting the door and turning around to the huge building behind me.

Why did I come here? Last time I was here something really bad happened right? Probably wasn't that bad. And who cares? Craig gave me a key and said I could come whenever I want. I don't wanna waste this high, especially with Hunter.

I'm kinda horny.

Craig's really sexy,

I'm in an elevator.

Who drew this mermaid on the wall? How do I know that this is really here? Because I'm fucking tripping acid balls and the floor is falling. Oh no! The doors are open. I gotta get the fuck out of here. This shit is gonna fucking break! I jump out of the elevator as soon as the doors are open enough for me to fit.

Craig's apartment would be light if the curtains were open. Because the sun's up now. I haven't slept. I'm tired. But I'm also horny. Where's Craig?

Should I turn on the light or open the curtains? I gotta pick quick because I'm super hungry. I don't know where the light switch is and the curtain's so far...

Forget it. The fridge has a light.

Oh, my god. Did they do that for me? How did they know?

I make my way towards the kitchen tripping over everything. Even things I'm not sure are there. And then I raid his fridge. I end up with ice cream and french fries. I dip the french fries into the ice cream and eat for a few minutes before discarding the food and continuing my search for Mister Abs Attack.

He's not in the living room. For some reason my next place is the guest room and you can ovbiously tell he's not in there. Lastly, I try a door next to the guest room. I slowly push it open. It hits the wall with a thump and I cringe. I'm fucking stupid.

I giggle. Yeah, I'm an idiot.

In the room there's a huge bed with two nightstands on each side and a dresser next to the door. There's a door on the right wall I'm assuming is a bathroom and some closet doors on the left wall. A flat screen sits on the wall above the dresser.

Something on the bed shifts.

Bingo, motherfucker.

I creep towards the bed and once I'm at it I crawl from the end, over the figure until I'm at the top. My heart is pounding so fast. I feel like everything in my life has been leading to this moment.

What the fuck? I laugh at myself.

I watch Craig's sleeping face right under mine. He moves again. What should I do? Oh, wow, he's so cute when he's sleeping. I haven't touched him in so long.

I wonder if he's naked. Craig liked to sleep naked. But maybe that was because we were always having sex. Mmm... sex.

I drop my face into his neck and start to kiss. He moans and shifts again. I open mouth a little and graze his skin with my teeth gently. He takes a deep breath and then I hear him say, "What the..." His arms move me up. "Tweek, what the fuck?"

"Yes, _God_, let's fuck."

"What are you doing here?" He sits up, making me straddle his lap because I refuse to move.

"You gave me a key. Remember?" I tell him. "I almost didn't."

"You smell like weed."

"I would."

"Where's Rayne?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

He yawns and runs his hands down his face. "Tweek, what happened?"

I shrug, "I... can't remember _anything_." This much is true. He groans and I watch him until he stops. My eyes drift down to his abs. The blanket is only covering his lower half, however I do catch a glimpse of some hip and I'm not seeing any boxer lining. Oh, fuck. He starts to talk again but I cut him off by kissing him.

Surprisingly and much to my pleasure he kisses back. "Mmm..." I smile into the kiss, gripping his neck with one hand and slowly slipping my other one down and under the cover.

He pushes me back, "Tweek! This is not okay. I'm not okay with doing this until I know what's up! You're here at ..." he checks the clock, "Eight in the morning, fucking wasted, and trying to have sex with me. So many wrong things about this."

"Like what?" I whine.

"First of all, you fucking relapsed, you stupid motherfucker!" he snaps. I sniffle, rubbing my nose with the back of my hand. "Second, you're with Rayne."

"Rayne left me!" I shout back at him. Fucking asshole. I didn't relapse. It's not like I'm gonna keep doing it. "And it's fucking your fault I did this in the first place, bastard!" I spit. "You all kept stressing me out. I couldn't take it." Oh, wow, his eyes are beautiful. Oh no! I made them sad. No, no, Craig Eyes, be happy eyes.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Why did Rayne leave?"

I shrug, "Because I told him I was using him to replace my mom. He got all butt hurt. Whatever, he was always a pussy." After Craig doesn't say anything I grab his face and bring it back to mine. His lips are so amazing. I should have never broken up with him.

"MM- Wait!" he struggles to get me off this time. "I'm not gonna be your rebound and we aren't gonna have sex!"

"But you want to," I moan in his ear, grinding against him. He grunts. "I feel you. You're bigger now." I lick his ear and he gives a rough shove.

I fall off the bed.

"Oooh, _fuck_." I hiss, rolling onto my side.

"I'm sorry," Craig says from the bed. "I'm sorry," He repeats. He moves to the other side and picks something up. I guess his boxers because he starts to put something on under the blanket. "Jesus fuck," He sighs. "Why can't you make a move when you're sober so I don't feel bad about it?"

I groan and roll some more. "Oh, I'm really fucked up," I tell him. I curl myself into a ball. "It won't stop moving," I say, grabbing my head.

"Maybe you should just go to sleep," He suggests.

I pull myself up using the bed but as soon as I let go I fall again. "Damn it," I say, monotony. "Let me try..." My voice trails off for the millionth bajillionth time this day... two days? Yesterday... Wednesday. Funny word. Hard word to spell. Onomonopia. I try again and pull myself up to my feet.

Craig watches me with eyes that say, _'I don't trust this'_. "Are you okay?" he asks. I knew it! My vision doubles.

I laugh. "Yeah, man." I say to both Craig's. "How could I not? I'm about to have a threesome with two Craig's and that's just... everybody's fantasy."

"Just sleep..." they say to me.

"I-"

Everything goes black.

* * *

_Thank you guys so much for your support. You don't understand how much I appreciate you. (sorry i am all up in my feels right now)_


	11. Chapter 11

I woke up an hour ago and I haven't moved. It took me a genuine minute to realize where I am and once I did I wished I just hadn't woken up at all. The longer I sit in Craig's luxurious bed that's too big for one person (it's too big for four people honestly), staring at the ceiling of his extravagant apartment, if you can even call it that, the more I want to wrap my face in his sheets until I can't breathe, until it's too tangled to get out, the more I want to run past him to his balcony, I'm certain he has and throw myself over it without a second thought because second thoughts would lead to refrain, the more I want to change my name and move somewhere far away or just forget my name and live under a bridge with a bunch of junkies.

I don't want to be here and I don't want to face Craig and I don't want to face Rayne and I don't want to face myself and my demons.

I know that Rayne hates me. I know that with a certainty. I know that Craig hate me too and I know they do because I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I know no one could ever possibly like me. Not anymore at least.

I'm scared. And I don't know what I'm going to do. And I can't stop crying. My tears are staining Craig's silk pillowcase.

And who has silk pillowcases anyways? It's like Craig's trying to compensate for something. Or maybe he just enjoys having a lot of money.

Something vibrates in the drawer of Craig's nightstand. It's followed by a loud ringing and I nearly jump out of my skin. I fumble, turning over in Craig's bed and pulling his comforter over my head. I know it's pathetic but I don't know what else to do.

I sit quietly and wait.

I hear footsteps and then the door opens. Craig rushes to grab his phone and silence it. "Hello?" he says quietly without whispering and then he exits again. When I draw the blanket back, I see he's left the door open and it makes my stomach turn. I think I might have an anxiety attack.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Fine, thanks."

"Right now?"

"Well, it's just a really bad time for me."

"It's uh…" Craig's voice fades. He must've walked further away. Whoever that is must be work and they must want Craig and Craig's telling them no, because of me. Wow, if I didn't already feel like a piece of shit. I hate Craig.

I bet they asked him why or what had happened. They're probably friends so they were probably concerned. I bet they thought maybe something was wrong with Craig or maybe one of his relatives. And I bet Craig moved away from the door so I couldn't hear him lie about what it actually is.

That his crazy ass addict boyfriend broke into his house last night after a relapse and tried to rape him before, I'm assuming passing out. I'm assuming because that part I don't actually remember, which also makes me hate myself.

I hear Craig's footsteps again and my pulse shoots through my head and the ceiling. Once again I don't know what to do so I throw myself back under the covers as if they're a shield that can protect me from my responsibility or a cloak of invisibility. Craig will come in and I will be gone.

Ha, I wish.

In reality though, Craig puts his phone back in the drawer and he doesn't say anything long enough for me to wonder if he left, but not long enough for me to risk peeking.

I hear him breathe though.

He says, "How long are you planning on pretending to not exist?"

It feels so quiet in Craig's house. There's absolutely no white noise. It could drive me insane. His voice feels so loud because of it which could also drive me insane. It might.

I don't know what to say so I don't speak. Every response I think of is inadequate and I know I'd regret it as soon as I said it and I'm actually not entirely sure why.

I feel Craig sit on the bed and my heart's beating so fast it hurts and I can't breathe. I'm trying to hold my breath because I have panicky breath from the panic attack Craig's giving me and he'd know I was here and as he said, I'm, 'pretending to not exist'.

Suddenly, my body involuntarily gasps. I think I'm going to die.

That's fine.

"Tweek," Craig says. He sounds so sad. No; he sounds so worried. My eyes water behind my closed lids.

I release a the breath I took in too long ago and it's just as loud.

"Tweek," Craig repeats. The mattress strains under his weight so I know he's moving but I don't know what's he doing. He's probably going to pull back the covers soon.

I can't breathe under here. I can't breathe in general; not at all even.

"Are you okay?" He's closer.

It's like I'm watching this outside my body right now. This doesn't feel real, nothing does. All the walls in Craig's room are crumbling and I know they're going to fall and I'm going to be crushed by the impact but I don't know what will happen after.

"It's not your fault," Craig says, touching my shoulder. This sets me over the edge.

A sob breaks out from me and I could stab myself for my weakness. I could just stab myself. I pull the blanket in tighter to my face because maybe that will make me feel better and then I wonder why I'm even trying- to make myself feel better. Why do I do anything?

The next thing Craig does makes me cry harder and it also makes me realize that no matter what Craig had done or said, this would have happened.

I feel him press against my back and wrap his arm around me, tightly. He pulls me into him as if I were something missing for a long time, something he needed. He was still outside of the blanket which made it even worse, but if he were under it with me, would that be better?

The question is rhetorical; it wouldn't.

I feel him press his face into the back of my neck and I cry an ugly cry. It's the kind of cry that makes you think no one should ever be sad enough to cry like that. I shake and quiver and Craig holds me in place. I can't stop and I'm still dying. I kind of wish Craig had taken the covers off me because I can't do it. I don't want to see him and I don't want him to see me like this.

But…

What's weird is…

I'm delusional, I must be. I even stop myself from sobbing and hold myself still long enough to tell…

That Craig is crying too.

No.

I sit up slowly and let the covers fall on their own, they don't entirely and I feel stupid, but I should feel stupid. I am stupid.

I can only glance at Craig. I feel like a dog who got into the trash and was scolded. Like I can't look him in the eyes anymore. I'm ashamed.

I'm ashamed.

Craig sits up too.

I gasp and somehow struggle to breathe, despite breathing faster than I usually do. I can't stop. I'm going to pass out at this rate and I can't even stop.

"I- Hah," I gasp, "I'm- I'm s- _so_ sorry."

Craig grabs my shoulders and rubs them gently. "You don't have to be."

I think he's trying to help like he used to with my panic attacks which is fine except he really needs to stop taking the blame off of me, it's making it worse.

"Yes, I do," I struggle. It's hard for me to talk like this so I wish Craig would just get the point. "Just, please, accept it."

"Okay," he says. "I'll accept it if you count with me."

"What?" I turn to him unconsciously and regret everything in my life, especially being born. Craig smiles and I look away.

"Yeah," he says. "By seven."

"What?" I repeat.

"Seven," he says.

I sigh. "Seven."

"Fourteen," he says.

"Fourteen," I manage.

"Twenty-one," we say together.

"Twenty-eight."

The longer this goes on the harder it is to remember the multiplication table from fifth grade. The harder it is to remember, the more I have to think and then it becomes apparent why Craig wanted to count.

Craig and I get to one hundred twenty six before I tell him I'm fine and the room grows quite while I regroup. Once I have I want to go back under the covers and I wonder if Craig would be mad if I did.

"I'm sorry," Craig says.

"_What_?" I say. "What are you sorry for? You didn't do anything."

"I kicked you out," he says. "And if I hadn't, this wouldn't have happened."

"That's not really true…" I say.

"Bull fucking shit, Tweek," Craig says, angrily. "This is my fault, if anyone's."

"Don't do that," I say. I can't handle Craig's break down too. "It's my fault, Craig. I made the decision to see Hunter and I knew what was implied when I did." He doesn't say anything.

"Can I ask what happened?"

"I did drugs and I told Rayne to suck my dick and fuck off and he did."

"Why would you do that?" My eyes widen. "You were doing so well!" Craig says angrily. "You don't even know how hard it's gonna be now," he says. "You have to start all over, Tweek. Shit."

I blow my fuse. "_I_ _don't know_?" I scoff. "What the fuck do _you_ know, Craig? You don't have an addiction!" I snap. "_YOU_ DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS!"

"I know how hard it is," I mutter.

"Sorry," he says.

"Whatever," I say.

"What about Rayne, though," he asks. "Is it _that_ bad?"

"It's pretty fucking bad, not that you care."

"I care about what makes you happy," Craig says.

I think this is kind of funny even though it should be endearing. "Well then, you shouldn't care."

"What?"

"It's a long story but, Rayne isn't the one anyways. Whatever."

"What'd you mean whatever? You two were together a long time."

"It doesn't matter," I say. "And, I don't wanna talk about this anymore."

"Okay," Craig says. "Well, what should we talk about?"

"Breakfast."

"It's almost four o'clock."

"Late lunch," I correct. "And maybe some Aspirin."

"I also refuse to get up," I say.

"I guess we'll get something delivered."

"That's a great idea, Craig."

"We still need to talk."

"Yeah… I figured."

* * *

_ha. arent i the worst?_


End file.
